After having 9 weeks off with my children it is also hard to go back to work. There are days when I wish we could be on summer vacation forever. To play and explore and sleep-in. I am so grateful for those weeks off with my kids. What a tremondous blessing. This year has been hard to go back. We've had such a wonderful summer and I really feel like my kids and I really bonded over some wonderful adventures! But as the song goes Hi Ho Hi Ho.... it's off to work I go.
With that in mind, I've been thinking a lot about what I want this year to be like. At church today we continued our study of the books of the Bible and we were on 1 and 2 Thessalonians. And is always like God, what was taught was right in line with what I have been thinking about lately. Our pastor talked about what kind of trail will we leave behind us? Will we leave a trail that provides hope for others and is a light that points them towards the Lord, or will we leave a trail that leads to dissention, gossip, grumbling, despair etc. (heavily paraphrased).
And as I thought about this, I thought about who would most of my co-workers say I am? I think those closest to me, know the real me. Or at least part of the real me. They know I go to church regularly and claim to be a Christian, but I wonder is that all they see. Do they see the love of Jesus, the hope in His salvation, the joy in His relationship with us? Who am I truly with not just my words but my actions. I want them to see Jesus when they see me. And being truly honest with myself, I am not sure that I have done such a great job. Sure, I've tried to stay out of the drama that comes from working in a school full of primarily women. I don't go out and party with a lot of the teachers that make that regular Friday night plans, but do they see Jesus?
Having the pleasure and responsibility of teaching in a public school is both wonderful and difficult at times. But what an absolute privilege as well. I have often considered my job as a mission field. Working in a lower socio-economic school has provided me with many opportunities to reach out to the children in my class. And that I find very easy to do. What is much harder is to put myself out there for my co-workers. But with added leadership responsibilities I am taking on, it is even more critical that I step up to the plate and make myself readily available to be used by God. So I have been asking myself, "who will I be this year?" When people see me and get to know me, what or better who will they see?
A song that lately has been really convicting, motivating and ministering to me regarding this is I Will Be by Natalie Grant.
Your heart, Your plan, give me Your eyes, help me understand.
My feet and my hands holding out living hope to every man.
Knowing what You’ve made me, with every single heartbeat...
I will be a candle in the darkness.
I will be the hand of heaven above.
I will be a mirror that reflects your endless love.
I will be the hope among the hopeless.
Where there is conflict, I will be peace.
Only by the power of Your spirit that's living in me.
I will be...gracious, gentle and kind knowing that Your love will shine through mine.
So as I enter the doors of my school tomorrow, I pray that I will be all those things. That I will be salt and light in my school. That I will be a source of compassion, joy, encouragement, mercy and grace to those I work with. And then trusting that the Lord can use it for His good glory!
This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine......
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